The Pursuit of Passion

As a child, one is told "you should follow your passions, follow your dreams".

That is all and well, if you know what makes you passionate, if you know what your dreams are! I can't claim to know that one certain thing that makes me tick, that I live to die for; there are too many things that I am passionate about.
Let me list them, since I love to make lists:

-Dancing. I hear music, and it makes me want to dance, to express the sensuality of who I am.

-Reading. I pick up a book, and I fall in love with every word, every paragraph, every page.

-Sitting still. Watching the world dance around me in slow motion.

-Being outdoors. Going into the forest and loosing the hum of humanity, the bustle of thoughts. In nature one can commune with God and discover the answers within.

-Writing from my heart.

-Singing.

-Adventuring.



Let me also compile a list for you of what I am not passionate about:

-School. I cannot force myself to think like I am expected to think. As such, I am not doing my best in school... or, rather, I am... they just don't grade you for your true best work.

-Conformity.

-Leading a boring life.

-White picket fences.

-Conventionalism.

-Religious morality. Like my personal guru Ralph Waldo Emerson, I create my own morals. (Read his essay "Self Reliance" if this train of thought interests you)


As you might have gathered, my passions and my dislikes colide. This is making it very difficult to choose a major in school. Now that I am recieving financial aid, I am forced to make a decision; not right away, of course, but I should figure it out before too much time and money goes by. Choices, choices, choices! What's a girl to do?

I long to be a true gypsy, to travel, to write, to learn, to explore; and I can even do this in my own backyard! Yet the pressure is fierce from society to "make something of myself".

(Argh, in the most deep of piratey voices!)

Why can't I just live one day at a time? Why can't I pursue that which I most love, without having to get a degree and pay off school till I'm in my thirties? Why can't I dance, or sing, or just play? Why can't I write poetry about my past and whom I love, about the way the wind sings in my bones?
The reality is that I can. From the safe confines of my secure home, purchased with money earned from a "good"job, which was procurred by a degree after slaving through college and adhering to patterns of though which I do not endorse( except with the money they take from my pocket for classes that are required for my degree. Chemistry to be a early childhood educator? Really?).

Oh yes, we must pursue our dreams; we must live our passions.

For what purpose?